Well my darling little one, you're here! You arrived at 12.04pm on Friday 11 February 2011, weighing 3080kg (6lb 12oz) and you're absolutely gorgeous.
Last week, after the appointment at Mr Afifi's clinic, was a mad rush of lists and anxiety. Should I be mentally preparing for a section or concentrating on thinking positive for the ECV to work? Should I actually stop panicking about completing all the things I had planned to do pre baby (in my head, expected w/c 21 February) and sleep and relax in case I have a baby on Friday? (in hindsight, I know the answer to this one - it's a definite yes) Was I ready to meet my little one?
I think we managed to get the critical stuff completed and Daddy made sure I relaxed at least a little bit more than I thought I would be able to.
After a very late night, we got up very early on what felt like no sleep at all and headed to the hospital, stopping at Granny's on the way to collect my Caesarian birthing wishes, just in case. We were told at the front desk to head to the delivery suite and eventually herded into a waiting room. I'm not sure they knew what to do with me. Beverley, the midwife who'd looked after me at 25 weeks when I lost some fluid, showed us to our room and helped me get ready for the ECV. I was changed into a gown (left my leggings on though) and hooked up to monitor with big bands of elastic around my bump so they could take a reading of your heartbeat. I was given a thumb clicker so I could help them track movement at the same time. Daddy and I tried to chat normally but I was nervous and very, very hungry. I assume Daddy was at the least, nervous - probably hungry too cos he'd only had time for half of his porridge.
A senior registrar arrived and introduced herself, I think her name was Katy. She explained the procedure and went through the consent forms with us for ECV and C-Section. Katy removed the monitor and scanned my tummy (Daddy could see the screen but I couldn't) and you were definitely still breech and she could tell us that you weren't tangled up in your cord. With the assistance of a registrar watching the procedure, she adjusted the bed to the right height and reclined me so my head was lower than my pelvis and my body was tilted on the bed. Not terribly comfortable.
Katy explained that she was starting the procedure and that she'd have head on your bottom and head to try and rotate you the shortest possible route. I was to tell her if I needed her to stop or if I felt dizzy or sick. I utilised my hypnobreathing techniques - just as well, if you ask me. 'Uncomfortable' is not quite accurate. It wasn't agony but it hurt. I could feel you moving and visualised you turning head down. Katy monitored you with the scanner periodically and kept reassuring me and Daddy that you were happy. 30 minutes and two dizzy spells later, Katy asked me if I minded her getting the consultant on duty to try - sometimes a slightly different technique was the key and besides anything else, she was losing the feeling in her hands from the pressure! She was getting you halfway (transverse) but you weren't flicking yourself round so she was sure you would turn and knew how much I wanted you to. She told me she was gobsmacked that I'd been so calm and relaxed during the procedure and kept telling me how impressive my pain threshold is (I blame tattoos). I agreed that I'd be happy to call the consultant and continue.
I think the consultant's name was Nina but I remember her looking more like a Jane. Katy introduced us and gave her an overview and, after a quick scan, Nina took over. Ten minutes later, the consultant praised my resolve, reassured me that baby was fine and said that her recommendation would be to proceed with the C-Section as she didn't believe you would turn. Everyone in the room was lovely, praising me and apologising for the need to send me to theatre. Although I was quite nervous at the thought of the operation and shaky after the ECV I was much calmer than I thought I'd be at the news - excited to be meeting my baby. I had a small cry and a cuddle with Daddy and then let Beverley prepare me for theatre. Daddy tried to get hold of a few people to let them know what was going on - I can't remember how successful he was.
The anaesthetist (Chris) came in to introduce himself and run through the anaesthetic (pronounced you definitely a baby girl as you were so stubborn). The theatre midwife came in too (Maddy). She'd be looking after us and ran through our wishes with us. Some things weren't possible (dimming the lights and Daddy cutting the cord after it stopped pulsing) but they did as much as they could - we were allowed our playlist and they suggested they leave a length of cord on you so Daddy could "cut the cord".
Once they were ready, I donned my uggs (yes, mummy didn't pack slippers in her convenient just in case I need something before an operation bag, they were in the case) and walked to the operating theatre. Daddy was given a gown and a lovely hat and bootees (I think he successfully avoided a photo) and we entered a very bright, white theatre. I was introduced to the people there (theatre nurses, midwives, four anaesthetists, two surgeons) while Daddy and Maddy sorted out the music. Maddy asked if I was happy for you to be popped in a little, knitted, yellow hat when you were born and I agreed. Before I knew it, I was sat on the bed for my cannula and my spinal. The spinal is a funny sensation, it almost hurts to have the injection and then they move you quickly before you lose the feeling from your rib cage down. Your feet, legs, bottom and torso go warm and tingly - I think it started in my bottom, like being in a car with heated seats. I was hooked up to monitors for heart rate and blood pressure and they inserted a catheter.
Chris talked to me and was very kind throughout. In fact, they were all very lovely to us. The screen was raised just below my boobs and Chris checked my feeling with a freeze spray. Once he was sure my spinal was effective, he must have given the go ahead. I didn't realise they'd started but I could see bits of the operation in the overhead lights.
I went dizzy a few times and Chris had to give me medication to raise my blood pressure but other than a bit of pushing on my tummy (just felt like palpating), it was uneventful. Chris kept me up to speed with what was happening - the fluid being drained, your bum appearing, your feet and legs and then the rest of you at 12.04. Maddy asked that noone announce the sex of the baby because we wanted to see for ourselves but asked them to lift 'her' up for Mummy to see so we knew before they brought you closer to show us we had a little girl. You went to be checked quickly (and Daddy cut the cord) before going to Daddy for first cuddle and then straight onto my chest for skin to skin. You were covered in vernix but so beautiful with a lot of dark hair (an old wife would tell you that would explain my heartburn). Daddy and I gazed while they stitched me up and then Daddy was taken through to recovery with you while they gave me additional anaesthesia in my sides and moved me across to a moveable bed. Daddy and I had agreed on first sight of you that you were our Madeleine Elise.
I was wheeled into recovery to be greeted by a very smiley Daddy and a very beautiful baby daughter. It was such a wonderful moment and I'll cherish it forever.
You came back to me for skin to skin and managed about 35-40 minutes of breastfeeding, which I was very happy about. Amy (a student midwife assisting Maddy) brought us tea and toast and Maddy weighed you and measured your head and length. We have a photo of you on the scales and the tape measure Maddy used to measure you.
They were a little concerned about me losing blood into my urine so I stayed I'm recovery for a little longer than usual. Granny spoke to Daddy who was busy letting the world know you'd arrived. She was in Birmingham already so came straight in to see us - you were only three hours old. Granny stayed with us for visiting (3-4) and then walked up to the ward (Ward 3, Bay E4) so she knew where we were to come back later.
I don't remember much about the next few hours, I think we were so amazed by you that we didn't do much else but grin at each other and stare at you. Granny, Papa and Auntie Lora came that evening to visit you - they're all besotted. I was very sad that Daddy had to leave but we had an amazing first night together. I asked for you to be dressed at about 10pm but you wouldn't go down so you stayed on my chest, sleeping and feeding.
The following day, I lost my catheter, managed to get up and shower. Daddy was in at 12pm and he helped me get dressed. He was joined by Nanna, Uncle Rhys and Auntie Jo at 3.30pm (they stayed until 5pm!!) who all brought you beautiful gifts and Granny and Papa popped in too. Auntie Kerry and Uncle Mark met you at 7pm for an hour and spoilt you rotten!
In between visits, you saw the paediatrician, who checked your colour (tiny bit jaundiced possibly), your hips, spine, mouth, eyes, heart etc. Your hips are fine and you don't have mummy's heart murmur. We went through family history and there was nothing she was concerned about. You'll have your hips scanned around 6 weeks because you were a breech baby.
After everyone had gone, you and I spent Saturday night much like Friday night, together. I tried to manage without the morphine so I could be discharged the following day; I just wanted to be home with my new family.
On Sunday morning, you had your hearing test; all as it should be. We came home Sunday afternoon (you weren't keen on your first trip in the car seat); it felt like we were in hospital a very long time but writing this now, in hindsight it was only two days - which is quite amazing. I am quite sore and feel a bit like I've been hit by a bus. The all over ache is unexpected but in my less emotionally fueled moments, reasonable considering you're five days old and five days ago I was undergoing major surgery to give birth to you. I didn't think I'd feel much more than tired with localised pain around my scar and across my stomach. I spend most of the time upstairs because the stairs are quite difficult.
You're feeding well - Jacqui came to see us on Monday and was very pleased with both of us. You had your first bath on Tuesday at four days old (Auntie Lora came to show us) and you're feeding every three hours or so and sleeping in between feeds.
My boobs doubled in size on Monday night (I actually do resemble Dolly Parton), Tuesday was painful but with some massage and warming gel pads, it's improving today (Wednesday).
I'm so happy to have you here and to be your mummy.
