18+6 week weigh in

This morning we went to Shirley Heath day centre to have you weighed.

5710g or 12lb 9oz - which the HV was very happy with xx

New Trick

And this week's new trick is...

Grabbing your feet and putting them in your mouth :)


You started with the right foot and left knee but today you're grabbing both and you chatter away and grin while you do it.

18 weeks old

In the past few weeks, you've been changing so rapidly.

You reach and grab for anything and everything: toys, hands, Mummy's hair, Granny's glasses. Most things go straight to your mouth. You love Jurgen.

Granny bought you a sheepskin rug this week. You love that too.

You're dribbling and chewing your hands so I'm fairly certain your teeth are on the move. Teetha sachets of teething granules and your amber anklet help. I try to only use Calpol as a last resort.

You seem to be growing (length and weight) steadily - I need to get you weighed. You've had quite a few hour long feeds recently so I assume you've been having your four month growth spurt.

Your hair is growing through and it's lighter in colour, the bit you wore away at the back of your head is growing back now. It's so soft.

Your eyes are still a lovely shade of blue, like my Granny's (my mum's mum).

You're such a pretty baby, people stop us to comment all the time.

Your hands are the same shape as Papa's but daintier. You've got his nail shape too.

You can roll from your front to your back (the first time you did it, a few weeks ago now, you rolled off our bed). You love tummy time and your back and neck are strong - and you can stick your bum in the air. You roll onto your side from your back but haven't made it all the way over yet.

You still love being stood up and enjoy the door bouncer now.

Today, you enjoyed your bath, kicking and splashing and grinning at me. Usually, you grumble so today was lovely :)

You love to have a kick after you've fed (except the last feed, you sleep after the last feed). You're active and alert most of the day, such an intelligent baby. You get overtired most days, so grumble to sleep during the day.

You love having moisturising cream massaged into you, I plan on taking you to a baby massage class.

You're a smiley little thing, I think we might have had a couple of little giggles but nothing super obvious as a laugh just yet.

You've found your feet; you can hold them but they haven't quite made it to your mouth yet.

You love your Daddy blowing raspberries on your tummy and you grin at him when he comes into view, especially when he's just come home from work.

You calm best lying tummy down along someone's arm being walked around. You can be soothed with a dummy but you'll soon tell us if it's not good enough.

You sleep best cuddled close in someone's arms, nestled into the crook of an arm and tummy flat against a torso.

You quite like sleeping on your side. At night, you sleep on your back in your grobag.

You might finally be growing out of 0-3 month clothes, although I think we may have a week or two yet.

When you're having a kick, I lean in close with my face level with yours and you reach and touch my face with both hands and grin at me and it's the best feeling in the world.

I love you very much, beautiful girl xxx

PND Update

Before our holiday to Spain, Daddy had booked me an apt with our GP, Dr O'Gorman for this week, Wednesday.

Daddy (and you) came with me. I explained again, through tears how I'd seen the locum and needed some support. Dr O'Gorman was very happy that I hadn't followed his advice to stop feeding you and that I'd come back. She is going to make a complaint about the locum I saw.

She was very kind and very thorough and has referred me to the mother and baby unit at the QE Hospital so I get the right support to come through this.

She made the referral that day and called me that afternoon to let me know it shouldn't be long before I heard from them, as she'd marked my case as urgent.

I love you very, very much precious. I'll try very hard to get back to normal for you xxx

Swimming

We were supposed to go swimming on Monday. Auntie Lora was coming with us. I'd booked us onto a course with the NCT ladies and their babies. For some reason, presumably because you screamed in Spain and don't like baths, I was really panicky about going so made the decision to miss the session.

Daddy and I will take you this weekend instead x

Second Immunisations

Today, after seeing Auntie Rosie and her new kitten for lunch, we went to see Sister Cherry for your second set of jabs. You started crying in the waiting room and cried all the way through the injections. In the car, you were calm and smiley but after I changed your nappy, you were inconsolable again. Some Calpol and a mammoth feed and you're now asleep on me (you squeak whenever I try to put you down). Poor little poppet.

First Holiday Abroad (Tamariu)

On 4 June, we took a late night flight to Girona in Northern Spain to visit Tamariu for Auntie Hannah's wedding. We rented a villa with a pool and Nanna travelled from Bristol to join us for the week.

When we landed, it was raining and on the journey from the airport to the villa in our rental car, it was hard to tell we were in Spain and not Wales! The weather erred on the side of rain all week but we had a few nice mornings and afternoons.

On Monday, we spent time by the pool at the villa - you weren't a happy baby but the water was chilly so I'm hoping that was the reason. We bought you a little boat to put water in so the sun could warm it but when I went to dip your toes in, you put a foot on either side of the water - it made Daddy and Nanna giggle lots!

On Tuesday, we drove to Figueres to see the Dali Museum. You spent the afternoon in Daddy's arms, sometimes sleeping and sometimes watching the paintings.

On Wednesday, we went to Auntie Hannah's parents' villa to help with a few bits during the day and then to theirs in the evening for paella.

On Thursday, I wasn't having a very good day but we managed to get to Begur before Auntie Hannah's wedding rehearsal.

On Friday, it was Auntie Hannah's wedding day. Daddy got up early to get their wedding present while I fed you and then it was off to the hairdresser for me while Nanna watched you. Then, after we changed you into your party dress, we went to Auntie Hannah's parents' villa to get ready for the wedding. I got ready last so I could feed you as close to the wedding as possible but you still grumbled for Daddy during the ceremony. I flitted between feeds and duties throughout the day, suffice to say I was pretty tired by the time we got back to the villa around midnight. Lovely wedding though and you were fussed over throughout. When we got back to the villa, I went to get you out of your car seat and something ran over my hand. Fearing the worst (I'm not a spider fan), I jumped six foot before I realised you were sharing your seat with a gecko. A pretty little thing, he didn't want to get out - it took Daddy a while to release him!

On Saturday, we had to check out by 10am so we went down to the bay for breakfast (a burger in mine and Daddy's case). After saying goodbye to Auntie Hannah and Uncle John, we dropped Nanna at the airport for her flight and headed for Girona. After four or five hours wander, we went to St Felix for dinner and then back to the airport for our flight.

We arrived home (albeit stressed from an argument over excess baggage and a damaged car seat) in the early hours of Sunday morning.

PND

I decided when I started writing this blog that it would be an honest account of my experience through pregnancy and once you arrived. That is the sole reason I'm writing this post, I think it's important that you know my experiences and it'll probably help me to get over it and I WILL get over it.

Yesterday, I went to the Doctor because I'm feeling very low and at times, when you're particularly screamy, like I lose my grasp on control. It feels a bit like I'm pretending to be a good mum - I'm torn between thinking people are fooled when they tell me I'm a natural and thinking they're lying. Honestly, I've been feeling this way for a few months (it hasn't been this bad throughout, it's definitely worse now). Daddy has tried to help me a few times but I refused to acknowledge anything was wrong. I feel so ashamed, you're such a wonderful baby and I love you so much. I should be happy. I'm scared people will judge me. I'm scared they'll think I can't look after you and take you away from me.

Anyway, our Dr wasn't in yesterday so Auntie Lora came with me to see a locum. Unfortunately, it was a wasted journey. The Dr didn't speak very good English and was a bit deaf, which didn't help. I opened up and explained, it made me cry so Auntie Lora had to fill in the gaps. The Dr told me it was PND but couldn't help because I'm breastfeeding you, contrary to Auntie Lora's experience. He advised I fight it like I had been for two months and go back when I stopped feeding you.

I hadn't really thought about when I would stop breastfeeding you but since you've been here and since we spoke to Auntie Lora about weaning, I'd thought I might carry on until you could have whole milk (so around a year). The thought of two months feeling like this scares me but eight months?! I can't even bear to imagine that.

Needless to say, yesterday was not a good day. I left the surgery distraught and exhausted and today I'm shattered.

At least I have told my sisters and my mum now so I have some support and I told Auntie Kerry when I came home too. We're off to Spain for Auntie Hannah's wedding tonight so I'm going to try and have a relaxing time with Daddy, Nanna and of course, with you, my beautiful baby. I'll see our Dr when we're home if I'm feeling brave enough.

I love you more than I can possibly explain. I'm so sorry but I'll try my hardest to get through it and be the best mummy I can be.

First Holiday (Croyde Bay)

Last Thursday night, Daddy drove us to Croyde to see the sea. When we go to Croyde, we stay in a big house overlooking the Bay and it's really lovely. All of my side of the family were there; Daddy and Uncle Rhys left on Monday, Auntie Rosie and her family left on Tuesday and we travelled home with Granny and Papa on Thursday (our luggage travelled with Auntie Lora).

This was our view:


Here you are on Saunton Sands with Daddy:


And here you are just before a wander around Croyde Market on Tuesday:

Teething

I'm fairly confident you're in some discomfort from teething pain at the moment. Nanna tells me Daddy cut his first tooth at four months so maybe you'll take after him.

Nelsons Teetha sachets help though. And they're a natural remedy. Yay!


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Gastroenteritis

We (as a family) have had gastroenteritis. It started with Daddy and I and a day or so later, you got poorly too. It's been awful to see you in pain and discomfort but you've been sleeping in our bed to make up for it and to help you sleep.

You saw a Dr at the out of hours clinic on day one and our Dr a week later but other than lots of milk and some Calpol, there's nothing they or we can do. It made me sad.

It's a fortnight on and although the orangey sick only lasted a few days, your nappies are only just starting to return to normal and I think we've only recently lost the tummy cramps.

Poor baby.